Opinion
OPINION: The Utah dating dilemma
Ryann Anderegg | Lehi Free Press
Dating is difficult everywhere, but in Utah, it comes with a unique set of challenges. Everyone’s experiences differ, but a common theme I’ve noticed among singles in Utah is frustration. From the impact of dating apps to cultural pressures, several factors contribute to why dating here feels harder than it should. I’ve had many discussions with both female and male friends about the unique dating culture in Utah, and every single one agrees: it sucks.
One of the biggest issues is the rise of online dating. While dating apps can work, they often strip dating of its authenticity. With so many options available, both men and women can afford to be picky—sometimes too picky. I firmly believe there is someone out there for everyone, but when people treat dating like a game, it becomes less about connection and more about swiping. People aren’t as willing to work through flaws, knowing they can simply move on to the next option with the tap of a finger.
Another major factor is fear. Before the rise of dating apps, people had to interact in person to form connections. It’s rare to see someone approach a stranger and ask them out. There’s a fear of rejection, embarrassment, and even of being made fun of online. In an era where moments can be captured and shared instantly, the idea of being mocked for putting yourself out there is enough to make anyone hesitant.
A growing concern among singles in Utah is that very few people seem to actually be looking for serious relationships. Many people want the benefits of having a boyfriend or girlfriend, such as companionship, affection and attention, but without true commitment. Casual dating has become the norm, and those looking for something serious often have to wade through an overwhelming dating pool to find someone who wants the same thing. Some people choose to delay dating until their financial situation is more stable, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but makes it harder for those actively seeking a long-term partner.
One of my female friends summed it up perfectly: “What makes dating difficult is that people are more interested in easy access to physical affection, like cuddling and sex, than actually developing a relationship. People shy away from the terms ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’ and just want a casual engagement where they can still date other people.”
There’s also a communication issue. Too many people go into dating with unspoken expectations. One friend of mine pointed out, “There needs to be more upfront communication about what people want. Too many people assume the other person is looking for the same thing when that’s not always true.”
Utah’s unique culture also plays a huge role in the dating scene. The average age of marriage in Utah is much younger than in the rest of the country, creating pressure to settle down quickly. The influence of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is significant, shaping dating experiences from group dates in high school to suddenly navigating solo dates in college. The transition can be jarring, especially when attempting to balance forming meaningful connections with cultural expectations around intimacy and commitment. The Church puts a large emphasis on marriage, which has led many people I know to jump in too quickly and suffer the consequences of being unprepared for such a step. For those of us taking our time or not actively dating, we are bombarded with questions about why we aren’t married yet.
Watching friends from high school and college get married while still being single can be disheartening. The societal expectation to be married young in Utah can make those still searching feel like they’re falling behind.
Meeting people can be tough if you’re not in college or don’t have a solid friend group. Many single adults find that there are few places to meet potential partners outside of bars or organized social events such as swing dancing. The art of courting has been lost, and many women, myself included, feel like men don’t put as much effort into dates as they used to. Planning a creative, budget-friendly date doesn’t take much, yet too often, dates feel rushed or uninspired. And then, there’s ghosting; after so many first dates that lead to radio silence, it’s hard not to feel discouraged.
One of my male friends shared his frustrations. “A big struggle for me when it came to dating was the lack of authenticity in many people. Whether it was ‘gold diggers’ who didn’t love me as much as they loved material things, or people who just wanted physical gratification without the love a relationship could offer, it’s hard not to check out when all you want is to find someone genuine.”
Another friend pointed out, “It feels like everyone wants to blame the church for creating a frustrating dating culture, but I don’t think that’s it. The real issue is that people are too afraid to be themselves, or that someone won’t value them for who they are.”
If I could change anything about the dating culture in Utah, I would encourage people—both men and women—to be more willing to step out of their comfort zones and talk to people face-to-face. The best way to meet someone is to not be afraid to go up and start a conversation, even if it’s as simple as a compliment.
The pressure from Utah society, parents, friends and coworkers makes dating even harder. It places unnecessary shame on those who haven’t found “their person” yet. But being single isn’t a failure; it’s just a phase of life like any other.
At the end of the day, dating is hard. Being single is hard. Being married is hard. You have to choose your hard. I’d love to see more effort in the dating community by way of communication, creativity and genuine attempts at connection. Dating in Utah isn’t impossible, but it does require a shift in mindset. The key is to embrace the journey, communicate honestly and take a chance on real, in-person connections.
